... huoah ... it is exactly three years today since i started something i never had done before in my life and it seems it came to its end today ... at its own birthday ... how strange - so very hard to do singing on the radio - make it easy on yourself ... i am at the lowest point of all the all time lowest points of my painting session this year and then this - i know from the past, from the past painting sessions i know it always occurs like this, and i am to focus i am to paint - always a sabotage comes it is given oh yes, and each year i can find out who or what in my life has been the biggest shithead of that year ... yes the weather / light all was good well except maybe that i am hungry and cold and in sleep deprivation but hey it is that time again you know as well as i do to question oneself as a painter and i oh yes i do i do question myself and everything i do or ever have done, or will, and also i started to see such in all my writings as well as i saw in my paintings they are all useless so that i feel i cannot submit as they suddenly launch a thing like this i found ( just as a reward to me at this point but when reading their instructions am suddenly thinking that the bar is risen and i have nothing professional to offer them and when in comparison to pro blogs that actually have something worthwhile pro comfort advice information to give i will drop down immediately i am just having fun here i am not educational and it will just be another disappointment in my long line of disappointments ... huoah ( = Finnish sigh ) ... so i am feeling so so so sorry for myself here big time Tomorrow is a new painting day and i am, yes i am i am still walking on i will be walking on, on this all painters' road - i know it is like this ... i know it is always like this ... i know it is always like this on the painters' road ... - i just had to tell you ... this is painting and it is my painting and it is what i do - for me it does not happen like turning the water tab on - it crawls in and i know it is coming it is coming so good - there are steps in self-flagellation - i know them i know them by now oh yes ... yes so far the first crucial steps of self-critique and self-questioning have been taken ... huoah ... I am there now ... maybe I should write THIS to a blog ... okay thinking about it ... yes i feel already better - yes i will paint on thank you call a friend - painting day 7 was originally written and published in A I R B O R N E by © 2017 Tiina Hölli on Monday 13.2.2017 23:54 |
Comments are closed.
|
... says she
doesn't give a flying fck, [ paskat nakkaa ] but still thinks amazingly much about Nothing ... and Being ... ... has some Knowledge about Nothing and / or vice versa. [ Loves Immaterial ] F. A. Q. : W T F Tiina Hölli : - Lila -
Read Robert M. Pirsig 2005 acrylic on board 19 x 130 cm A I R B O R N E
|