what is wrong with hope ... to live to live in a stable numbness without hope determined to stay that way without hope to stay without hope live silently only waiting without hope frustration gone anxiety, gone because hope is gone a memory that there was a pain but now there is a freedom because hope is gone because hope is gone and then comes someone who insists convincing you convincing you convincing you convincing you until you believe and suddenly - you are in hope again you know better - but you are in hope again you are in hope you are in hope you are in hope ! y o u a r e i n h o p e you a r e and then - they betray you ( of course they do ) (they always do) and there you are stunned stunned dazed unable to understand anything else but the gigantic unfairness of the proportions - to be trustful when you know better to trust when you knew better and then they betrayed you ( of course they did ) (they always do) you are, a bathroom mirror, inside your own radical break asking was my fragile slowly carefully cherished emerging hazily passing grasping aliveness worth this same pain again this same pain again this pain again pain that you were given this time worth the same pain again i was given this time worth the same pain again you were given i was you, in the bathroom mirror and the proportions of the insignificance of everything everything - so enormous there is nothing there is nothing and it says, mirror it was true, i was true all along you were right it was true i was right, it was true there really is not a n y t h i n g a n y t h i n g - not a thing anymore - not a thing Not a thing. ... determined : i'll go away i'll go away, i'll be on timer for a while, i'll be on hold for a while, i'll be alone for some time, a year a decade a century and nobody will notice i'll be away i'll be on timer for a while i'll be away and nobody will know. [ /i'll be on timer for a while ] Baaah. Fck hope. Be real. From time to time, we all need a sudden awakening from being stuck in a situation, position or location because of a thinking pattern or a routine that was planted in us, accepted at the time, but now, it does not serve anymore. So then comes in The Universal Sign. These are the awaking radical breaks. These quick incidents usually end in sudden steep drops into a bottomless abyss after walking on the edge for some time. They occur exactly when one needs to be shaken and stirred and change the direction. The Universe is trying to save you from a lot of useless shit. Most people misunderstand these awaking radical breaks completely wrong, and call them last drops, or that this was just what we yet needed in this catastrophy - that it was the worst thing that could have happened right now. These short surprise shocks often come at a point when one is just diving down totally depressed swimming in selfpity but not yet completely laying flat on the bottom of the darkest ocean without any energy to even notice shocks of any kind anymore. Cherish these breaks. They are given to you as an opportunity to make a shift. Fck those icky persons that give these shocks - the intermediates, messengers, initiators or executors of the breaks. They do not know what they are doing - but they are priceless to you. Just take their message, clean it, reverse it, twist it upside down - and there you have it : the core of what you are supposed to do now instead of what you were up to when the messenger suddenly appeared. That's all. Need an example ? Let's say that for some time you have been waiting for something to happen, because you were told that it is wise to wait, even though it does not feel right to you, and you feel like left behind and betrayed, and you are really not a waiting type. Then somebody outsider that you do not appreciate out of the blue suddenly accuses you of being hideous because of acting outrageously shameless at some past incident, when you yourself have been thinking all the time that you were a big sissy back then accepting quietly all humiliations until things escalated badly and you had to make some moves. Now, thanks to this person, you suddenly see how you are again in a similar situation nowadays. The Universe just gave you the sudden impulse. So instead of falling in the bottomless pit thinking that "oh no oh no this old thing on top of all this is too much for me now", just fck that person and think that some people are like that, they smell when you are in danger walking on the edge and then they sneak behind you to give you a push (we kids call them bullies). See the sneak as what this person only is - the messenger - and control your normal human reaction of feeling that you are being insulted there. That person is not important, the message is. Then twist the meaning of the sneak's spoken worldly words or done wordly deeds to the opposite and find The Universal Core. So in this example, some whacko calls suddenly and commands you to be ashamed of yourself NOW - for acting outrageously some 30 years ago ? yeah right - laugh at the absurdity of this - and understand The Universal Message right : " Brace yourself, you are so brave and beautiful, you have already proved back there in the past that you have the spirit to act boldly and kick ass, so stop being a gutless coward today, and remember : what ever you do, never be ashamed of yourself. " Ta Daa ! So there is your cue ! Instead of getting pissed off or guilty or depressed or starting a useless argument - just say : ooooh thank you so much for reminding me of what is my true nature ! I am outrageous and shameless ! oh how this made me feel myself alive again ! I am a BADASS ! I am NOT a pussy ! T H A N K Y O U ! ! ! ! - and end the call (it really pisses them off). That person just prevented you from falling in the pit instead of pushing you into it. Thank The Universe for sending this radical awaking break to you at just the right minute. Bravo ! | awaking radical breaks | the poem was originally published in Writer, A I R B O R N E and in - i like - Collection - © 2017 Tiina Hölli 2017-07-14 20:20 the explanatory attachment was published in - i like - Collection © 2017 Tiina Hölli 2017-07-21 20:20 based again on a true story but names changed to protect the writer from arseholes |
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... says she
doesn't give a sht, [ paskat nakkaa ] but still thinks amazingly much about Nothing ... and Being ... ... has some Knowledge about Nothing and / or vice versa. [ Loves Immaterial ] F. A. Q. : W T F
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